THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

ONE OF THE MOST REDEEMING QUALITIES YOU CAN CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO POSSESS AND MAINTAIN IS: PERSEVERANCE.

HERE KITTY, KITTY

Anyone who has ever had a cat and dog will relate to this. Enjoy...

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

1. Pick up catand cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, gently pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of dresser. Call spouse in from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth set to side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door on to neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters


HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

ONE GOOD THING ABOUT BEING AT THE BOTTOM IS YOU CAN ONLY GO UP!

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

It's just been one of those days. I've been seeking employment for three months now. The latest place was a jewelry store. It was a good job...horrible money, but at least there was opportunity. When I say horrible, I mean $7.30 per hour and I was only guaranteed eighteen hours a week. Anyway, I got a call today that they have gone bankrupt and are going out of business. Therefore, I'm not getting hired.

As if that wasn't a crummy enough way for a morning to start, when I got in my car to go get coffee, I ran over a screw and my tire began going flat. On my way to get a plug put in I ran over a raccoon. Being a vegetarian and member of P.E.T.A., I felt like I just ran over an infant or something. This was not a good morning.

I got the tire plugged and headed back to the store for coffee once again. Pulling into the parking lot, my car started jerking and making a funny sound. Holy cow! I was out of gas. Luckily the gas station was on the other side of the Wal-Mart shopping plaza.

Thanks to the kindness of Jeb, a sweet man that saw my struggle, I was pushed to the gas station. With only forty dollars to my name, I had to put in enough gas to get me to Georgia to sign-up with a temp employment placement service. So, twenty-five dollars later I was on my home....without the coffee.

Thank goodness my tax refund was coming. Rent is only nine days away and with only fifteen dollars now left in my account I knew I better get a job like today!!!

When I got home I walked in the door to find my dog vomiting in the living room. She must have eaten something she didn't like. Yuck. I picked it up and got immediately into the shower. I just wanted to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head, but I couldn't.

Finally, I was on my way to Blairsville, Georgia to the temp agency. After making a wrong turn, I ended up thirty miles out of my way. Again, thanks to the kindness of others, I followed a trucker back to the route I should have been on. Whew, things could only get better, right?

Once I arrived I filled out nine pages of paperwork, watched two videos, and took a test. I turned in my two forms of identification only to find out that the birth certificate I have is not an original copy with a seal. Unfortunately I lost my social security card about six months back. Needless to say they can not proceed with the application process until I have the required identification.

At this point my brain actually hurt. I knew I had to get a job this week. The tax refund will cover only my rent, no food, no gas, no electricity. I headed back home to Murphy, NC and was off to see my aunt at work.

My identification solution was to go to Franklin, about an hour away, to the social security office and apply for a new card. Fifteen dollars won't cover it. It will cost ten dollars for the card alone. The trip to Blairsville already used quite a bit of gas. I'd need about another twenty to get up to Franklin, back to Blairsville, then back home and back to Blairsville again for the follow up interview and actual placement.

After making call after call to see if anyone could take me to Franklin, I was getting discouraged. Luckily my Grandmother returned my call and is available tomorrow at noon. Thank goodness...one problem solved.

I decided to call the IRS. I figured at least I'll get to find out when my money will actually hit my account. It should be here any day. I needed some good news.

UGH!!!! Not only did the IRS seize my refund, which is my only source for May's rent, they say I owe over twelve hundred dollars from 1998!

This was just horrible news. I decided maybe I should go walk down to the river with a blanket and my dog to relieve this stabbing pain in my chest and reeling anxiety.

As I took a deep breath to calm down, I kicked off my sandals and headed to the the river when I stepped in big pile of dog-dooders!

Why did I get out of bed today???

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

SEE THE WORLD THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD WHILE APPRECIATING IT WITH THE WISDOM OF ELDERS.